


The Q3 Financial Report

by Owl_Lady



Series: I Hate You:::I Know [3]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Bro Phasma, Crack, Established Relationship, Humor, Hux Has No Chill, Love/Hate, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Slightly crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-05 19:45:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11020293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Owl_Lady/pseuds/Owl_Lady
Summary: Hux and Ren celebrate their 5 year anniversary, and Hux makes some very BIG promises.I mean it is their anniversary.....right?.......wait where's that calendar......oh shit





	The Q3 Financial Report

**Author's Note:**

> I know Hux's character is very organized and this would never happen, but this would totally happen and it makes me laugh. So ENJOY.

“Hey babe”

Hux sighed.

“Yes, Ren”

“Anything special happening today” Ren said in a voice that wasn't at all transparent to his true meaning.

“Just the 5 year anniversary of my biggest fuck up yet” Hux said in the hope that Ren would get pissed and leave him alone.

“Oh, Hux….That’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me” Ren said in a mocking tone.

“Indeed, I did say yet. I could fuck up with something far worst” Hux said as he paid attention to his data-pad instead of the force user sprawled across his lap.

“Yeah, you could break up with me” Ren said. Hux snorted.

“I was thinking more along the lines of marrying you. That would be a true tragedy” Hux said. This received a light elbow to the gut from Ren.

“I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you and you know it” Ren said. Hux nodded.

“Yes, and it’s a testament to how shitty my life is” Hux retorted. Ren lets a large sigh loose.

“HUX” Ren said through clenched teeth. Hux chuckled and lower one of his hands to run through Ren’s curls.

“Don’t be angry love, it makes your face look weird?” Hux said as he massaged Ren’s scalp in an attempt to get him to chill the fuck out.

“I’m not angry. I’m just frustrated that you never take our anniversary seriously. I’m like….the easiest guy-“

“Oh don't I know it”

“Shut up. I meant that I’m easy to please. Give me some flowers, a kiss on the cheek, and tell me that you love me and I’m good” Ren said as he leaned into Hux’s ministrations.

“I can maybe do one of those things” Hux said. Ren glared at him.

“Underachiever” Ren spat at him. Hux smirked.

“I’ll make you a promise Darling” Hux said as he pulled his hand out of the mess of tangles he had created. Ren looked up at him.

“What kind of promise” Ren asked skeptically.

“A….permanent promise” Hux said. Ren squinted his eyes at Hux and sat up to meet him face to face.

“What kind of….permanent promise” Ren asked with a quirk of his eyebrow. Hux smiled and absentmindedly tucked a curl of black hair behind one of Ren’s Dumbo ears.

“How about I do better than flowers and a kiss on our next anniversary” Hux said. Ren was still confused.

“But I like flowers and kisses” Ren said, still not sure what in the hell Hux was talking about. Hux smirked and leaned into Ren. He pecked the corner of Ren’s mouth and rubbed his nose against Ren’s.

“How about, for our next anniversary, I make an honest man out of you” Hux suggested. Ren’s breath suddenly hitched. He pulled away from Hux and glared with unsure eyes at him.

“Wha….really?” Ren asked, his mouth slightly curving upwards. Hux smirked.

“Yes” Hux replied. Ren’s hand flew up to his mouth in shock, but Hux saw the gigantic smile it was covering.

“Seriously?” Ren asked again. Hux laughed whilst nodding.

“Darling, why would I even say something like that if I didn’t mean it” Hux said. Ren’s hand abandoned it post at his mouth and suddenly found itself wrapping around Hux’s torso in a bone crushing hug. Hux gasped in shock of the sudden gesture.

“Ren”

“Shut up you Ginger Asshole, you're gonna ruin the moment”

 

~+~+~+~

 

“PHASMA” A robotic voice yelled from across the training room. The, usually, chrome covered Captain turned to see Lord Ren rushing towards her at the freighting clip.

He must have finally killed Hux and needed help hiding the body.

“Lord Ren” Phasma said in a more casual tone. Ren rushed over to the woman and excitedly grabbed her arm.

“You’ll never believe what happened last night” Ren said in a tone, which if it wasn't modified, would be very “fangirl” like.

“Did you finally murder Hux and your rushing to tell me about my new promotion” Phasma tried. Ren rolled his eyes from the safety of his helmet.

“No, trust me Phasma when I kill Hux you’ll be there” Ren said. Phasma nodded, it’s nice to know that you have a TRUE friend.

“No….HE PROPOSED” Ren squealed like a teen. Phasma’s eyes widen and she felt her eyebrows hit her hairline.

“Hux….Armitage Hux……..proposed….to you” Phasma said in disbelief. Ren shrugged.

“Well not really, but yesterday was our anniversary and he said that on our _next_ anniversary he'd propose, AND THAT’S ALMOST JUST AS GOOD” Ren said at an alarming volume. Phasma scrunched her brow.

“Anniversary?” Phasma asked. Ren nodded excitingly.

“Yeah, we’ve been together for five years now….it only seems like yesterday I was pushing him up against a wall and silencing his insubordination with my dick” Ren said in a dreamy voice. Phasma wanted to vomit.

“That happened five years ago….yesterday?” Phasma asked. Ren nodded.

“….are you sure” Phasma asked. The helmet glared at her.

“Yes” Ren said loudly, and with an unamused tone.

“….are you sure” Phasma asked again. The helmet angrily glared at her.

“I’m pretty fucking sure I remember when Hux and I started dating. It was a magical day that’ll never forget” Ren said tersely. Phasma nodded to appease him.

“Didn’t you and Hux started dating the night that the Q3 financial reports were due?” Phasma asked. Ren nodded.

“Yeah, that's why Hux was so cut-loose and fancy-free that night” Ren remembered.

“And aren't the Q3 financial reports due on the same day every year” Phasma asked. Ren nodded.

“Yeah….we wanted to put some stability in the accountant's lives” Ren said as he crossed his arms.

“The Q3 financial reports weren’t due yesterday….they are due today” Phasma said gently to her friend that could literally kill her with his mind. Ren didn't say anything, just uncrossed arms. His hands lay limp beside him, besides his hand which he kept flexing into fists.

“…if you are lying to me” Ren said quietly.

“Why would I lie Lord Ren” Phasma said, whipping out the title so it sounded extra nice. Ren lets a long breath escape him.

“I’ve been celebrating my anniversary on the wrong date….for five years” Ren said slowly. Phasma nodded.

“If it helps….so was the General” She offered. Ren liked to when Hux was wrong, so maybe that would soften the blow.

“…..five years”

“Hey today’s your anniversary so …..happy anniversary….you two make a really…interesting couple” Phasma offered. Suddenly Ren looked up, directly at Phasma.

Today…IS my anniversary” Ren said. Phasma feared for her life.

“um….yeah” Phasma said. Ren abruptly turned tail and raced out of the room, just as quickly as he had entered. Phasma shook her head.’

“..fucking weirdos”

 

~+~+~+~

 

“BABE” Ren said as he entered the bridge of the Finalizer. Ren saw Hux tense up from behind, which gave him a small amount of satisfaction.

“General, Lord Ren has arrived on deck” said some lowly PA that wasn't important enough to come up with a name for.

“I see that Lieutenant” Hux said as he whipped around to face the intruder. Ren stomped over to Hux and stopped when he felt he was close enough to make Hux uncomfortable.

“Anything special today” Ren asked. You could almost see Hux’s fucks leave his body as his will to live ceased to exist.

“Ren our….that was yesterday” Hux said, keeping his voice low. God forbid anyone on the bridge knew he was dating the man that had just walked in and shouted BABE at him.

“Oh, I’m sorry SWEETHEART am I causing a scene” Ren said, clearly having too much fun. Hux glared at the mask and prayed for Ren’s death.

“Is there a point to this, or are you simply here to ruin my life?” Hux said. Ren chuckled and Hux wanted to die.

“Do you remember the day we became official?” Ren asked. Hux rolled his eyes.

“Ren, you are supposed to reminisce about anniversaries on the day of the anniversary. You’re a day late” Hux said with confidence.

“Oh really….” Ren said. Hux sighed.

“Do you remember the day we became official Hux?” Ren asked again. Hux nodded.

“Yes, I do Ren. You came into my office and started ranting and raving about how you couldn't continue sneaking around because of some Sithy bullshit and I was feeling loose because the Q3 financial reports were due that da…..” Hux suddenly trailed off in realization. Ren felt very smug.

“Oh shit” Hux said silently to himself.

“now DARLING, I seem to remember you saying that you were going to ask me a certain question on our next anniversary” Ren said. Hux stared at Ren in disbelief.

“Did you do this with your Jedi bullshit?” He asked. Ren sighed heavily.

“No, we both forgot the date of our fucking anniversary with just the sheer amount of our own stupidity” Ren mumbled. Hux continued to stare at him, hoping that this was all a joke. Ren wanted to move on.

“Now Hux, if you would please get on with it” Ren said as he took a step back. Hux’s eyes widened in shock.

“You….you don't actually expect me to…go through with this” Hux said. Ren didn't move.

“Ren…I thought I was going to have a year to think this over, and to get this right, and to plan, and to hope you would forget about it….you can't do this” Hux said. Ren shrugged.

“But Hux….why would you even say something like that if you weren’t serious” Ren said in a sarcastic tone so powerful that three nearby planets just fucking exploded. Hux stared ahead in shock, but his shock soon turned into cold hard resignation.

“Ren…..Will you ma-“

“UM NO…..You get on your fucking knees and you do this right” Ren nearly screamed. This near scream caught the attention of most the bridge crew of the Finalizer.

Now that they had an audience, Hux lowered himself onto one knee. Gasps erupted from some of the crew as they witnessed the unthinkable. From his position on the ground Hux leveled a truly awful glare at Ren.

“I hate you” Hux said to the bucket head.

“I love you, too” Ren replied back. Hux mumbled under his breath.

“I don’t even have a ring….so technically this isn’t a real proposal” Hux said. Ren shrugged and looked around the bridge.

Ren’s hand suddenly lifted and an awful metallic ripping sound echo through the bridge. A small piece of metal flew into Ren’s hand. The metal then began to morph and shift into a roundish shape. A few moments later, a ring had formed. Ren drifted the ring over to a kneeling Hux, who just stared at the thing in disbelief.

“Oh look you brought a ring…how convenient” Ren said. Hux picked up the ring and resigned himself to his fate. Hux looked up at his masked partner and sighed.

“Lord Ren….I have been in a relationship with you for _exactly_ five years now. While I can’t say it has been an utter joy, I can very easily say that these years have been the best of my life. You are a pain in my ass, you make me want to throw myself out of an airlock, and I often pass the time by planning your murder, but I love you more than words can describe. So would you please do me the honor of becoming my husband, so I can collect your life insurance policy when I kill you. In other words......Will you marry me Kylo?” Hux said as he presented the newly made ring to Ren. Ren smiled from under his helmet.

“Of course I will you fucking idiot” Ren said as he lifted Hux up with the force so he could hug him. While Hux was being crushed by Ren, he heard the entire bridge applauding.

He was going to fire them ALL.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it, please leave a nice comment, and as always THANKS FOR READING.


End file.
